WigWam - Horace's Aborted Rip-Off Scheme lyrics

An operator by the name of Horace made a deal with Jake'n Boris 'bout how the flop-house that they ran just had to go So they planned to have an accident Pick up the thirty-three per-cent And retire somewhere out of the snow. They'd figured that the bigger the policy The better so sent a letter To the company in the know, Under-estimating the endurance Of the insurance-agents from outa town Who'd get their man and throw 'em in clink For the great insurance shake-down rip-off The faked-up take-all slip-off scheme. They thought they'd have a fire So endeavoured to aquire The utensils necessary for the show Bought blow-lamps, pumps and matches Fire-lighter sticks in batches And retired to the woods with all in tow. They'd calculated that the smaller The fuss they made the all-the-more Chance they had of pulling off the stunt Understimatin' the endurance Of the insurance agents from outa town Who always liked their money up-front For stopping The great insurance shake down rip-off The faked-up take-all slip-off scheme Thought they'd take a dreamboat journey to Malasia or Easter Island Teach those natives something useful Diggin' holes with style and status The scheme wasn't perfect But it didn't seem-to bad It had a good chance of working And it was the best one they had. The great Insurance shake-down rip-off The staked-out make-off baked-up chip-off The faked up take-all slip-off scheme. But the night before the accident Horace had a premonition of the condition He'd be in after an arrest Boris would double-cross him Make off with the dough and toss him Into a pit of crocodiles and foul-pest aargh! And he'd be chained down in a cell Up the hall-way from hell And be a subject to crudities to a strainend degree And the investore they would stone him and that Jake, he would 'phone him And inform him that it wouldn't work anyway Forget it the Great Insurance shake-down rip-off The baked-up make-off break-off slip-off scheme.