Weerd Science - Therapy Session lyrics

(Intro skit) Receptionist: Mr. Eppard, the doctor will see you now Josh: Thank you. – Hey doc Therapist: Hi Josh, why don't you have a seat? Josh: Alright Therapist: Let's discuss what's been going on Josh: You mean just anything? Therapist: Tell me the first thing that pops into your head? (fades out) (Verse) I am a bad man, I ‘m a walking atrocity An anomaly probably on shaky ground That's why my vision's all wobbly I'm the master of an empty apology I am so sorry! Though I solemnly swear to try to wear down your defenses Until you breathe from a borrowed air Hopefully you're not the slightest bit aware That while I stare off into space I'm still able to convince you that I care I'm a gun for hire As a kid I wanted to be Spiderman But “Oops!” I think I grew up to be Toby McGuire An actor in front of a green screen hanging myself from the prop wires I wish I was bitten by a genetically enhanced arachnid Because I think I'm a black gangster rapper trapped inside the body of a fat white kid Go on Facebook, say that you like this But f** it, I know you won't I can tell already, I'm psychic Uh I have no clue who the f** I am Because in school I'd always pretend to reinvent myself in hopes that it would me fit in Confusion you can't quell The only thing that made sense to me is Is that I actually OD'd three years ago and died and this is my own version of hell Boo hoo hoo hoo oh f**ing well! W-T-F! O-M-G! Great now I talk like a fourteen year old girl Mommy, don't I look pretty? Aren't I dainty? I'm Timothy McVeigh coming to blow up your city I won't be satisfied until the whole world is against me Attention cops! When you see me, arrest me Because if I'm with dirt, you can do a search and at the very least you'll find some hemp seeds Please don't test me! It's not the guy yelling about guns you should be afraid of It's the guy in the corner surveying his options, weighing out the different possible outcomes He's usually quiet and normally doesn't say much And the neighbors will say, “I can't believe it was him! By all the kids, he was so loved!” Oh yeah, Luke Skywalker should've been on the terrorist watch list And America was founded on high treason So don't subscribe to Fox News or MSNBC when they tell you what to believe in This is a breaking report! Do you think it's the dealers on the block that bring the coke rock into the country Clearly not, it's the f**ing government dummy! It's some of these little motherf**ers are hungry So when the Wayans family leaves the opera, they get shot up for their j**elry and their money Ahh f** it! Down the hatch, chased with sour mashed whiskey that gets me tipsy Followed by brownies with hash Never ready to deal with my own version of evil ash Who reminds me of every time of how my Uncle Ricky put his hands down my pants He won't let me forget it! He just says it and says it and says it Either I need to meditate or a paramedic Because this epidemic is now fully kinetic And you can bet it gets intercepted with each and every sentence My skepticism is in need of an exorcism Because every decision is dictated by my last position Imagine everything in your every thought is something you don't want to hear Like your girl bragging about how much head she was giving and— *gasp* (Outro skit) Josh: That's uh that's pretty much the first thing that pops in to my mind Doctor Therapist: Amy, I'm gonna need you to cancel my 2 o'clock appointment…