Tripod - SaniGlove lyrics

Okay, gather round people, see this rope? Okay, everyone sit behind this rope. Hey, hey, come back with that! Okay, sit there where I'm pointing. Now, I will keep talking loudly until a crowd forms. In this way I guarantee myself that my audience have nothing better to do. Don't stand too far. And be careful of... Ding ding ding ding... AAAAAH! ... the tram. Okay, after me and my retarded brother here finish this song, we will be placing, on the ground, this hat. Now, this hat has no cosmetic function, it's for money. Now, we like the money that tinkles, but we prefer the money that folds. Anything less than a gold coin, you will insult me. Now, here's the tale of a very sad case, He was a contestant in the rat race. But he just didn't understand the rules, What a fool! He always called himself the "Toilet Paper Man", Toilet Paper Man... But, not surpisingly, people didn't understand, 'Cause he wasn't made of toilet paper, He just manufactured toilet paper... He'll never forget the day he blew it, Making that ad with Lleyton Hewitt. And he had what he thought was a good idea, Oh dear! He always called himself the "Toilet Paper Man", He thought that maybe Lleyton could have used his hand. It would have helped him out of his predicament, So he ran home and made a blueprint for his big idea... It's perfect! A reusable, completely hygenic system, consisting of one, all-purpose glove. It doesn't just remove the necessity for toilet paper, it also replaces tissues, hankies, and cotton buds! I call it.. Sani-Glove! Sani-Glove! Heavens above, it's Sani-Glove! You will love, Sani-Glove! It's durable, it's practical, it's Sani.... as in "-tary"... The story isn't over yet, kids, don't leave yet. He had his million-dollar idea, or so he thought. But ideas are a dangerous thing. And toilet paper can be unforgiving, especially those "No-Name" brands, you know? Ouch! Yeah... The toilet paper companies were curious, But when they realised, they were furious. The Sani-Glove had the power to bring them down, To the ground! The Sani-Glove could save millions of trees, And with a special attachment, it could wax bikinis. He was hunted down by the toilet paper companies, They smashed up all his blueprints and they k**ed his family... Then they made his brother retarded, And the inventor of the Sani-Glove was...Meeeee......! Sani-Glove, Sani-Glove, When push comes to shove, it was Sani-Glove. Now I'm just a lone busker, And if you don't count this monkey and my retarded brother. Curse you, Sani-Glove! We couldn't really think of a secret track to do, So now I'm just making this one up, I hope it doesn't make you spew... Thank you! At least you didn't rhyme it with "poo"!