Tony Hoagland - NOTE TO REALITY lyrics

Without even knowing it, I have believed in you for a long time. When I looked at my blood under a microscope I could see truth multiplying over and over. —Not police sirens, nor history books, not stage-three lymphoma persuaded me but your honeycombs and beetles; the dry blond fascicles of gra** thrust up above the January snow. Your postcards of Pica**o and Matisse, from the museum series on European masters. When my friend died on the way to the hospital it was not his d**h that so amazed me but that the driver of the cab did not insist upon the fare. Quotation marks: what should we put inside them? Shall I say “I” “have been hurt” “by” “you,” you neglectful monster? I speak now because experience has shown me that my mind will never be clear for long. I am more thick-skinned and male, more selfish, jealous, and afraid than ever in my life. “For my heart is tangled in thy nets; my soul enmeshed in cataracts of time...” The breeze so cool today, the sky smeared with bluish grays and whites. The parade for the slain police officer goes past the bakery and the smell of fresh bread makes the mourners salivate against their will. Source: Poetry (July/August 2012).