Time - I almost helped lyrics

[Verse 1: Time] When I was young I never would have looked at my life and planned this When we were young we used to just sip Kool Aid and take sh** for granted Like having friends who didn't have bullet holes in their heads Now I'm staring 30 in the face and most my friends are dead Every conversation is just another seed that we planted A letter can be medicine or a drought that desires forever famines Is the meaning of life just to turn to dust and return to the planet? Or is it just to rearrange things and try to make a change in between blame Until your heart stops shoving blood to your brain these eyes are window panes This whole galaxy is marching towards a future black hole While we fight over faith and food for a phantom god in an invisible castle I sit back in my seat stuck in a another traffic jam Just trying to go to work again then go home again what's the plan? How many times have we done the same things and lived the same lives? I don't know if there is reincarnation but if I have another life you can have mine I plan on getting it right this time around, I'm just trying to listen others I'm just trying to show some love, spread the positive and hug my mother To all my friends who are gone, I swear you haunt me through this song Every time I think about you I wonder what the f** I did wrong Could i have stopped you, would your family have lost you? Or were you already dead cuz this world finally got to you? I don't know the answers i just want to know where you went Can you hear me right now or are you just ash on the cement? [Hook: Time] And I swear I'm feeling fine And I swear I'm feeling fine Without you And I promise I don't even think about you And I promise I don't even think about you I don't cry, my eyes are dry I said goodbye when you were still alive I should of stopped you [Verse 2: Time] Its been almost a year to the day, when I had to hear you say That you didn't want to live anymore, I just tried to laugh it away I felt my smile decay, and told you there was another way You agreed as we went to the corner store now your life's erased How many friends have left us? how many more will leave? I guess we stop counting when we stop to blink and become deceased At 1 a.m. walking on the wet autumn leaves, I watch my breath rise I look up at the stars, they're still there like all my lies It's now a year and a half since you've been gone since you've been dead But I keep on rewinding the week, back and forth through my head But regret is a grave you can dig it up but it never brings the past back You can stare at the bones but you can never reanimate and have it back Your just stuck with the silence and stuck with the what the ifs Rigor mortis sunset, the clouds are stiff, the frost covers the blood red bricks Nihilist thoughts to myself like what the is this all for Like why did you have to die on that hotel floor, I'm crying on all fours I'm blaming myself like everyone else, but don't worry I'm also blaming others After the denial anger comes, I saw you under the coroner covers I wish this song was abstract, I wish this was fantasy rap I wish I was writing fiction, I wish this wasn't fact I think I finally made to the desert of the real, I saw mirages of lakes Turns out they were my inverted tears from smiles I've faked I love you, I miss you, I've finally realized your gone But please know you live on through my memory and through these songs [Hook: Time] And I swear I'm feeling fine And I swear I'm feeling fine Without you And I promise I don't even think about you And I promise I don't even think about you I don't cry, my eyes are dry I said goodbye when you were still alive I should of stopped you