The Rohan Theatre Band - Please Remain Seated lyrics

Will all patrons please remain seated, Whilst I belittle myself to amuse you, For I've tried pretty melodies and sensitive lines, But the effort just seemed to confuse you. So will all patrons please remain seated, Whilst I teach this Chinese monkey to sing, For the words of a genius are nothing at all, But a monkey that sings always wins. Will all patrons please remain seated, Whilst I plunge this knife deep into my chest, And I'll lay out my heart on this tabletop, And I'll sell you my bloodied vest. For once I was a singer of ballads, A purveyor of music from the heart, But now I have learnt that that is never enough, You want blood and that's something I've got. You want tears and that's something I'll offer, You want s**, well I can give you that too, You want something to shock you right out of your slumber, And I know that's getting harder to do. So will all patrons please remain seated, Whilst I sharped this axe on my tongue, For I used to believe in a thing called Art, But it seems it was only pretend. And I used to believe in compa**ion, And a thing called morality too, But the world has moved on since the days of my youth, And I've done everything I can do. So will all patrons please remain seated, Whilst I turn in my grave once again, For I used to believe in a thing called Art, But it seems I was the only one.