The Nostalgia Critic - The T​-​Rex Song lyrics

Doug: A'right, so I'm walking down the street... you know, whatever... jus' minding my own business [Yeah, yeah I know]. I take a look and I see an Ice Cream Truck, and I'm like aww sh** man, y'know I want some ice cream. Cuz it is a hot motherf**in' day [Well yeah, man...] I want some goddamn ice cream, so you know I go up there all the kids are running away y'know they're like "Oh my god a dinosaur!!" Y'know all that f** [Pussies!] and I go up there and I say "'ey, I want some mint chocolate chip ice cream." Ice cream man looks at me and says "We don't have any mint chocolate chip ice cream" [Awww...] An' I told him, I said "Dude, I really want some mint chocolate chip ice cream." He says "I'm sorry. We don't have any mint chocolate chip ice cream."... ...SO I ATE THAT b*tch!!! Luke: I'm a motherf**in' T-Rex! Doug: The most vicious beast to ever walk the planet Luke: I'm a motherf**in' T-Rex! Doug: A Tyrannosaurus, not some newt in a zoo Luke: I'm a motherf**in' T-Rex! Doug: Now gimmie some mint chocolate ice cream, dammit Luke: I'm a motherf**in' T-Rex! Doug: And while I'm at it, I'll have a Rocket Pop too Luke: I ain't made of latex, or extinct like Aztecs When they made us all female, I changed my s** Gobbling up rednecks like they were Tex-Mex Time for your bu*t to start cashing those checks From a motherf**in' T-Rex! Doug: So I'm waitin' in line at the DMV, [Oh I hate that place] y'know, cuz I moved recently and [Yeah, I know] the, the address on my insurance doesn't match the address on my license. So, you know I, I gotta go in I gotta get that changed. Y'know, they gotta match and sh**. [Oh that's a pain in the a**] So I go up to the lady, she's there show her my license and I say "'ey, I need this address changed" She says "You need two articles of mail." So I show her this card that, y'know, my mother wrote me, y'know cuz it's like hey y'know my mother she writes me cards. She's f**in' cool. Y'know she's my goddamn mom. y'know? [Yeah] So I show this to the lady, and she's like "Oh, no no... sorry. This doesn't count. [Oh shiiiit.] It has to be something that the government recognizes [Oh, that who*e.] y'know like a bank statement or a bill or somethin' like that."... ...SO I ATE THAT b*tch!!! Luke: I'm a motherf**in' T-Rex! [*T-REX!*] Doug: King of the thunder lizards, y'know what I'm saying? Luke: I'm a motherf**in' T-Rex! [*T-REX!*] Doug: I don't need your eye chart. If you move, I'll see you Luke: I'm a motherf**in' T-Rex! [*T-REX!*] Doug: I'll chomp your fat a** in one gulp without thinkin' Luke: I'm a motherf**in' T-Rex! [*T-REX!*] Doug: Now just give me my license, I got errands to do Luke: While I'm drinking Beck's at the discotheques With DJ Velociraptor on the decks I'm gonna lyrically flex, and drop rhymes complex Straight out of a time vortex Comes a motherf**in' T-Rex! Doug: So I'm online at a forum, y'know [Oh yeah?] and I'm tryin' to look up where I can get some good dinosaur p**n. Cuz, y'know I'm... I'm a Dinosaur. I want some dinosaur p**n [Yeah, you gotta do it, you gotta do it] So you know I'm... I'm lookin' around and ask on some of these p**n forums y'know [*laugh*] "Hey, where's the dinosaur p**n?" and like everyone's tryin' to act like I'm not there. They're all tryin' to ignore me uhh except for this one kid. Okay, so this one kid decides he wants to answer me. Remember his name is Bobby. Bobby Lou. What the f** kind of name is Bobby Lou? [Aww...] An' I'm saying "Hey, where's the dinosaur p**n at?" and he's like "Dude, what are you, some sort of freak?" I don't like that so okay, so I'm like "I just want my dinosaur p**n, okay? I... I don't want to cause any trouble." And he says "What? You a T-Rex or something?" I say "Yeah, yeah I am a T-Rex or somethin'" an' he says "What the hell you gonna do with dinosaur p**n? Your arms are so small you can't even touch it." [Oh no...] So I found out what state this guy was in, bought a plane ticket reserved a whole entire row, you know because I'm so goddamn big, flew to Alabama to get a connecting flight. Finally got dropped off in Texas, hailed a cab, the driver didn't speak English, but I didn't care. He understood the address. So he drove me there. I rang the kid's doorbell waited a minute, he didn't answer, so I climbed into his window found out which room was his, bust open the door... ...AND I ATE THAT b*tch!!! Luke: I'm a motherf**in' T-Rex! [*T-REX!*] [*ROAR!*] Doug: I hacked your I.P., 'cause my sk**s are legit Luke: I'm a motherf**in' T-Rex! [*T-REX!*] [*ROAR!*] Doug: You thought you could hide from me, Bobby Lou? Luke: I'm a motherf**in' T-Rex! [*T-REX!*] [*ROAR!*] Doug: Like Goldblum said, you're one big pile of sh** Luke: I'm a motherf**in' T-Rex! [*T-REX!*] [*ROAR!*] Doug: Adios, you dumb troll, now you're Jura**ic Poo Luke: A predator apex, so show your respects 'cause I'm a Grimlock bigger than Metroplex Not Jonah Hex, or Professor X Or even Luthor comma Lex Can stop a motherf**in' T-Rex! Luke: Hey, I got one more! Doug: [Do it, man! Do it, man, do one more! Do one more! Yeah!Do it!] Luke: One more. One more, here I go... Luke: Universal execs will make a googolplex! More cash than those Star Wars or Star Treks At the multiplex in your 3-D specs You're gonna scream and sh** your spandex 'cause of a motherf**in' T-Rex! [*T-REX!*] Doug: [Aww! Ain't no way you got one more after that one.] Luke: Oh, you think I'm out? You think I can't do it again? Doug: [No way man, no way.] Luke: Oh yeah, well check this sh** out! Doug: [Aww!] Luke: Can't wear a new Rolex, or use a Rolodex Or put on turtlenecks, because I got no pecs But I'll go 12 parsecs, and fast a reflex I'll tear you up like you're a f**in' Kleenex 'cause I'm a motherf**in' T-Rex! [*ROAR!*] Doug: Ha ha ha ha ha haaaaa!!! Luke: I'm a motherf**in' T-Rex! [*T-REX!*] [*ROAR!*] I'm a motherf**in' T-Rex! [*T-REX!*] [*ROAR!*] I'm a motherf**in' T-Rex! [*T-REX!*] [*ROAR!*]