The Cream Pies - Santa's a Fraud lyrics

[Verse 1: Stevie Brock] Off to Vegas, it's my homie's birthday And you know what friends get friends for their birthday I've been saving money for this trip So we can buy him a private dance on the strip Got some connects at the Rhino That'll hook a brother up whenever I go So, naturally, I go Get us a table by the pole and wait for the show Start up a conversation with one of the girls Said she could grab some more girls and meet us by the double doors So she meets us by the double doors And she leads us through the double doors She takes his hand as we're creeping through the hallways I'm the only sober person, like always So I'm noticing the strippers are more chipper Maybe the tippers are giving it all away in honor of the holidays Santa hats are everywhere Then on the ground I found a pair of Santa's underwear? As we enter the champagne room there's a big red suit, big black belt, and a cloud of white beard hair sitting there What? It's motherf*****g Santa Claus? Getting a dance from 3 of Spearmint's finest broads? Topless? They blindfolded him with edible bras And I'm in shock like I just found the real Wizard of Oz What the f… I'm getting red like I'm rouging Because I just realized that my childhood is ruined All those years of good deeds so that he thought I'm nice Now I'm witnessing with my 2 eyes his naughty vice See if I ever bake this man another cookie Only thing he's hungry for is the nookie Damn, what about Mrs. Claus? I guess I gotta break the news that her husband's a fraud [Verse 2: Stevie Brock] I wonder what I should do now Do I tell the poor woman Santa broke their vow? Yeah, it's the right thing to do But the consequences are cruel See, I'm just concerned for the kids Cuz they don't need to think of Santa Claus like this I mean, even though he's a jerk He does do a lot of work Wait why am I defending him? I should post this video to Instagram And show the whole world the real Dancer and Vixen, man But what is that really fix in'? Damn See, if I tell her what I saw and she files for divorce That will be after all the end of Christmas for us If I keep it to myself I'll be haunted by remorse Wait, I got a better idea, I found a cover for the who*es I'll just have my friend Bill dress up like Saint Nick And head up to see the Misses, and give her some of his d… Uhh, some of his lovin', then eat the cookies in the oven She'll never know it wasn't Santa, and Christmas goes uninterrupted Oh! [Verse 3: Billy Reilich] You would scold me if you knew But I get dressed up in his suit Red hat, red coat, big black buts She said she's missin' me and my Jingleberries too It's so easy, during the season To get dressed up and take over for the evening I tell her, “Call me Kris Kringle" Then I pop it like a can of Pringles I bring the package, you know I wrap it Listening to Kenny G while she smacks it My presence is a present So she's gonna keep undressing I see his elves in the hall They think I'm him, I'm kissing her, we're dressed up and all They look away and I bounce I leave a stocking stuffer, isn't it the thought that counts? I took a freighter straight from the equator To the North Pole to be her karmic vindicator She's so thankful for the gift that I gave her Now all the elves know me as the Christmas Crusader That's what he gets for sleeping with the Naughty List I guess he should have toned down his haughtiness So what if he puts me on the Naughty List I guess he never knew that Mrs. Claus is the naughtiest