The Burning Hell - Barbarians lyrics

In the age of the barbarians When people met with scary ends By bear bite or by battle axe It was super-violent to the max There lived a little Viking boy He was his father's pride and joy His mother died in childbirth And where her blood fell on the earth There grew a tree with thorns as strong as Thor's teeth And tiny flowers with petals pink as boar's meat And the sages foretold a certain grisly destiny To the one who should ever harm the tree You know, the dad, he was mighty sad, oh But he knew that something bad was being foreshadowed So he packed up his newborn kid Said "we're getting out of here" and then that's what they did He wandered wastelands day and night Axe in left hand, kid in right Over desolate and frozen fjords 'Til Loki said "I'm getting bored!" He went to earth to fight the lonely Viking The dad fell down, but he was only psyching He played dead and then when Loki wasn't ready He slashed out with his axe and blood rained down like red confetti Well Loki said "You got me bad. I never thought I could get beaten by a single dad But I'm a good sport and I'll grant you this, Yes I'm going to grant you your most precious wish!" Dad knew it was a toughie he was being asked He thought of wishing for new bear-skins or a bigger axe He thought of wishing for riches or enemies lying in the ditches He even thought about the cla**ic wish for a thousand wishes Then he looked into the eyes of his mini-Viking son Said "I know this wish is kind of weak but I think that it's the one: We've been wandering for ages and we're frozen to the bone It's time we found a new place to call home." Well Loki laughed and said "OK - There's some houses there around the bay. If you can fight their twenty strongest men I think for sure they'll let you in!" Dad gave Loki a scowl and a frown Picked up his kid from off of the ground Then he set off around the bay And when he got to the gates he shouted up "hey! Hello you good people of this peaceful looking village I'm not here to burn or burgle, I'm not hear to rape or pillage I'm just a lonely single father with a little Viking toddler I could fight all y'all with one hand but why go to all the bother?" Well many years went by the way they do The dad grew older and the kid did too One day dad said "son, I think I'm d**hly ill You better put me on that burning boat, you know the drill." The kid was bummed out, but who wouldn't be? He let the fire and sent his dad up to his destiny His friends all told him to get on with life The best thing to do was to go take a wife So he went out a-raiding, met a beautiful maiden Told her "Trust me, it's true love, though it seems like enslavement." Although privately, she disagreed, She had no choice but to be his bride-to-be. She came back to his Viking lair Said "excuse my while I fix my hair" And once inside the Viking sale-de-bain She put a curse upon her husband's name Then she came out, said "this just won't do This place needs paint and renovations too I must have the finest house in town After all, you burned my old one down!" He was all "baby, don't worry!", and he set off in a hurry Said "with the sun as my judge and the stars as my jury I won't stop 'til I've got the finest things to be got My arms are strong, I can carry a lot!" He wandered wastelands day and night 'Til at last a village, it came in sight There were no people to be found So he stole the nicest stuff around He felt the Viking word for cool With his arms full of furs and fine j**els But just as he was heading home He felt a chill run through his bones He turned and saw a thorny tree With flowers pink as boar's meat He dropped his furs and j**els and said "My wife must have these flowers for our wedding bed!" But oh it all went so wrong, I know you knew all along It was the same tree I mentioned at the start of the song When he picked a single flower he unleashed an evil power Its petals turned bloody and its fragrance turned sour He was young but he could tell that this wouldn't end well So like a brave little Viking he didn't cry or yell He said "it's ashes to ashes and it's dust to dust And if I must go, I must - it's Valhalla or bust!" So with a crack and a crash, he was gone in a flash And all that was left was a pile of pink ash To this day, believe me, if you look you will see Two thorny trees growing where just one used to be.