The ACTUAL God - The Pa**ion of the Actual God (Part 1) lyrics

A lawyer's office, two days after the divine beating of the Actual God... AG: Blood was running down my face and into my eye, and people were laying in front of the squad car in protest. One guy tried to kneel behind the cop and had his friend start a fake conversation and push him over and - LAWYER: Slow down. Tell me something, before we continue. AG: Sure. LAWYER: Did you have a Bar Mitzvah? AG: What? Uh, yes…did you? LAWYER: Yes of course. It was August 6, 1946. AG: What was your theme? LAWYER: Theme? AG: Yea, like, at the party, you know, a concept that unifies all your decorations and giveaways. My theme was burial. And it's cool, because the DJ gets into it too and, oh I don't know, you were saying… LAWYER: Do you know what happened on August 6, 1945, exactly one year before my Bar Mitzvah? AG: Uh, I probably do, what? LAWYER: They dropped the bomb on Hiroshima. And Nagasaki was the eighth. No! The ninth. I used to tell the joke, why couldn't they just wait a year until my Bar-Mitzvah?! AG: That's pretty good. LAWYER: Heh, you know, I was around during World War II. I was just a kid, but I can remember. All the factories were producing munitions. The Singer sewing company factory was producing munitions! All the factories, it was just tanks and munitions, tanks and munitions. We didn't have a refrigerator, we had an ice box. Why? Because the refrigerator factory was producing munitions! AG: Ma** mobilization, yes. My generation doesn't know a thing about it. LAWYER: It was really something. AG: And the Holocaust too! LAWYER: Oy, ech, awful. AG: Terrible. LAWYER: The worst…anyway…did I tell you I've had five children graduate from Yale. AG: Any grandkids? LAWYER: Only one. AG: Mazel Tov! LAWYER: It's nothing to brag about, one grandchild and my youngest child is thirty. AG: Bet - LAWYER: Ech. (long pause) LAWYER: Listen, here's what I want you to do. You're going to write everything you just told me. You're going to type it out in a statement. AG: I didn't really finish telling you the story. LAWYER: You'll write it all out. In a statement. AG: A statement. LAWYER: Yes exactly. Two parts, about five pages long. AG: Double-spaced, right? LAWYER: Whatever you want. AG: I want double-spaced, obviously, but I was asking what spacing you had in mind when you said five pages. LAWYER: However you want it. AG: Do you not understand why I asked you that? LAWYER: It really doesn't matter. AG: It speaks to your intelligence....Oh, also, can I post a sarcastic statement about the incident online? I've got a blog. LAWYER: ??? AG: It's a weblog. LAWYER: Absolutely not. The best thing for you to do would be to stop talking about the incident altogether. Just try and take it easy, lay low for the next few days, don't party. AG: Can I wear tefillin in the morning? LAWYER: I see no problem with that. AG: Sick! to be continued...