Stephen Lynch - History Lesson lyrics

Stephen:I have to redo the vocals for Medieval Bush. Friends: Why? Stephen: Cause I said 1570's muff instead of 1470's muff and the medieval period ended at the beginning of the 16th century. Friends: Wait! So how do you know this? Stephen: Cause I used to be a teacher. Friends: (laugh)You used to be a teacher? Stephen: Yes Friend: Professor? Stephen: No, I taught elementary school and I got fired for I had an unorthodox way of teaching. In which I would bring my guitar in and sing the lessons to the kids. Friend: Of course you did. Stephen: Okay, okay let me find a lesson for you...Ben Franklin "Ben Franklin went out one night, tied a key to the end of a kite, electricity struck so bright, write it down muthaf**as" Friends: You called the kids motherf**ers? Stephen: Some of them were motherf**ers yes. Friends: Science Stephen: Um... "Issac Newton sat under a tree, an apple hit him in the head so he, said holy sh** thats gravity, so write it down muthaf**as" I have a million of theses. Friends: Pilgrims Stephen: Okay....hey.... "Pilgrims raced against the clock, lookin for a place to dock, they said f** it here's Plymouth Rock, write it down muthaf**as." Friends: I don't like the fact that you are implying that the pilgrims were lazy. Stephen: Im not implying anything. Friend: Wright Brothers Stephen: Uh.... " A dude named Orville Wright, told his brother lets invinflight, so Wilbur said "ight", write it down muthaf**as" Yes, he said "ight" Friend: Wilbur said "ight"? Stephen: In my story he did. Friend: Wilbur was street in your story? Stephen: Yes Friend: Word Stephen: See, you can't stump me Friend: Slavery? Stephen: Uh there is nothing funny about slavery...well... "Abe Lincoln lead the nation, freed slaves form the plantations, inmansa-muthaf**a-proclamation, write it down anaem-ops." Friend: Gandhi! Stephen:Uh...I did not have one for him. Uh...hold on, hold on. Gandhi...Uh...alright. (slowly) "Gandhi is what you said, an Indian with a bald head, he was a bit under fed, write is down muthaf**as!" Fried from that job! Friend: Your a genius.