Stephen Flaherty - What a Game lyrics

FATHER (spoken): You'll like baseball. It's a civilized pastime FATHER: In a world gone mad There is comfort to be had In the game Father played at school Men of cla** Competing on the gra** Where sportsmanship And fellowship And courtesy are the rule UMPIRE Play ball! (The Polo Grounds. A game is in progress. The stands are packed with raucous FANS from all walks of life. FATHER and THE LITTLE BOY are conspicuous. So is FATHER's uneasiness the noisy, sweaty, raucous people around him. They are not FATHER's Kind at all. In the excitement, one FAN even throws one arm around FATHER's shoulder.) GIANTS FANS Ain't this the kind o' weather BRAVES FANS For smackin' leather GIANTS FANS For playin' baseball ALL The kind o' weather makes a man Hit like hell! (HOCK, SPIT) FAN #1 Let's go, you sons o' b**ches! FAN #2 Let's see some pitches! ALL Let's play some baseball! FAN #3 The Kraut is strikin' out again! FAN #4 Schmidt, ya smell! (HOCK, SPIT) BRAVES FANS The Giants haven't got a prayer GIANTS FANS Aah, yer underwear! BRAVES FANS Up yer alley! ALL Go back to where yer mother once came! (All make some rude gestures.) Hit that ball! FAN #5 Run, you ba*tard! ALL Hit that ball! FAN #6 k** the Kraut! ALL What a game! (HOCK, SPIT) FAN #2 (calling to field) Hey, Schnabel! Take your head out of your a**! (to THE LITTLE BOY) I guess that's telling him, huh? THE LITTLE BOY Hey, Schnabel! Take your head out of your --! (FATHER firmly clamps his hand over THE LITTLE BOY'S mouth.) FATHER At Harvard We were gentlemen Men were gentlemen EVERYONE ELSE So's yer sister! FATHER We called each other "Mister", and... FANS #5 & #7 Doyle, ya s**! FATHER Don't listen! Our games were very quiet We'd never riot, we'd... FANS #4, #8, & #9 Eat that baseball! FATHER The worst we ever said would be... FANS #3 & #6 Run, ya schmuck! FATHER Don't listen! Now there's this noisy rabble This foreign babble Who let this happen?! There's hardly one American name! FAN #10 Yah, Herzog! ALL Hit that ball! FAN #11 Stupid Polack! ALL Hit that ball! FAN #8 k** the Kike! ALL What a game! (HOCK, SPIT) It's Braves and Giants, Two to two The pitcher's name is Hub Purdue Jack Murray's now Up at bat...(ball crack) (THE LITTLE BOY stands up. He knows what will happen next. FATHER realizes with a start the ball is coming right at them THE LITTLE BOY holds up his hand and catches it.) ALL My God, would somebody look at that! Ain't this the kind of weather To get together and FAN #6 Bash his teeth in! ALL The kind o' weather makes a man Hit like hell! (The FANS fight.) ALL A fine, upliftin' atmosphere Bring yer children here Teach them baseball The game all true Americans Do damn well! It's like the Constitution The institution Of dear ol' baseball Where every man is treated the same! k** that Mick! FAN #1 Run, you Polack! ALL Strike the Kike! FAN #2 k** the Kraut! ALL What a... What a... What a... THE LITTLE BOY Up yer alley! FATHER Sshh, Edgar! ALL Game!