Solidmas - My Lost Love & Addiction (RIP Bruce B) lyrics

[Speaking: Hollohan] You know... Recently man, I hit the lowest point of my f**in' life I became consumed entirely and went completely f**in' insane I figured what else to do but to write about it, let it Inspire me a bit, so that's what I did And now I've got something to say [Verse 1: Hollohan] This my real life, straight verses no f**in' chorus So come explore it, love me for it or judge me for it I laid in bed flicking smokes in an open piss bottle I dropped like 20 pounds in a week, goin through withdrawals I always said addiction's a flaw of the weak Obviously my addiction it was stronger than me 'cuz man I hit rock bottom heavy, f**in' hard My mother say she felt me convulsin' and held me in her arms My love left me at my worst point, bailed when I fell Last words to me "I should be ashamed of myself" That last week in my demise the damn needles I took a thousand Would you have come to my funeral and put me down then? I almost died multiple times in a week So how could you live with yourself when you're trying to sleep? To know I could be so close to dyin', lyin' in peace Would you still just think of yourself, if I was deceased? Hey yeah, I got aggressive in my blacked out state And I ain't sayin' now that that's okay We were so in love romancin' You refused to give me another chance then What happened to your best quality being understandin'? I love you, you're hatin' me You crushed me that it bugs you that people judge you for dating undefined me Now it's no forgiveness for a past side i've shown to women With you, you know it's different, you should stick to your own opinion Our only time together on house arrest, hate the sh** There's supposed to be so much more to this relationship Can't even look in a f**in' mirror to see my face in it I've sat in the dark with a knife to my throat; crazyness And still, you would try to mess with me Do you really wanna push it with my suicidal tendencies? If I died would you cry? Why are you and I enemies? I pressed my palms into my eyes and pictured you beside me endlessly You hated my female fans, so you were jealous; f** it You're the first I've ever trusted, therefore fell in love with You're perfect, I was just addicted to this hellish substance You are correct though, i am completely self destructive And I'm sorry, it'll never happen again My mind was gone for that span of time, dont know what was happenin' then If I was that crazy baby I would be glad I was dead I'm sorry you said you never felt like you'd see your family again And I don't blame you, you were great you should be proud What I was going through it was insane you could put me down Exes that I ? called to see I'm movin up When you ain't even ask me how I'm f**ing doing once And I hear what you saying, close ear to the ground When I needed you most you know where to be found If you really were my girl, you would have been supportive When true love is true love you shouldn't have to force it Cuz I believed in you, my heart f**in bleeds for you Where the f** is your presence when I really f**in needed you? Towards the end d** removed my soul I am embara**ed you were there to see me lose control So were you the love of my life, or some stupid ho? I guess now you're just somebody that I used to know [Speaking: Hollohan] For now... but I will be back And I am across the country bettering my life I transferred my conditions here You know I'm bettering my life And don't let people get inside your head And convince you, cuz I'm such a f**ing Terrible person, that I must have been terrible to you And tricked you You know me as an amazing man cuz that's exactly What I was to you, straight up I love you, I miss you, and now the whole world Knows I'm sorry And this one's for my dog, man [Verse 2: Hollohan] Yo, as an ex-addict Bruce when I met you You just clean as a judge, no reason for d** And surrounded yourself with people ya love When we first started to click, yeah we partied a bit Who know we'd reach that point where it'd be harder and harder to quit? The first night I met your brother keeps replaying with me The character i embodied was smooth or was dangerous is he The genius on d**, so cool you was hangin' with me He didn't know that I influenced you negatively So when he seen us chillin' we was kings he was proud It breaks my heart to think of what he probably thinks of me now So with this I'm just reflecting I'm constantly recollecting I got a younger brother too Bruce but you never met him And he seen my darkness and said I don't got any good left But even then he still wanna be followin' in my footsteps And I betrayed em all people who loved me to my core My sister's always had me back, she doesn't anymore So I look at my arm and the marks of needle penetration The people who f**in' loved me could leave them devastated I guess we both got worse when you was outta control But then I was sitting in prison bro so how could I know? And going through withdrawals in a prison cell, livin' hell I know that feeling of pain when you really wish you could k** yourself I accept that it happened, be there a long time They say every dog gets his day I guess I got mine I hid my house arrest bail, lucky I know When we spoke some time later it's been crushing my soul I love you Hollo, Bruce I always got love for you bro That was the last thing I said as I f**in' hung up the phone Found out the next day you raged smashin walls 25's too f**in young for a man to fall I wish I said something more when you had to call A f**in' hour later and you were dead in a bathroom stall Why do we just enjoy it? Why do we love the poison? You should have went out on a throne bro, not a f**in' toilet My blood is boilin' at the f**in' thought of it Bruce You give yourself too much credit for how your tolerance grew When you're feeling low on life and needed that confidence boost I'll take lives in your name if they say that's what you wanted to do And I never understood, but thats the reason I knew Cuz I was a needle or two away from being with you And I'm sorry for the times I was freaking out when you were with me Especially that time I lost my mind while driving through the city I wanted to honor your memory and swear off shooting quickly A year pa**ed and I'm still doing the same sh**, Bruce forgive me! I almost had my body in the soft dirt, I swore I'd get better but homie I got a lot worse, and I was in that same weak place so I couldn't fight for you At your memorial high on the same sh** that took your life from you I guess your father blamed it on people at the bar I didn't hear it directly it's like I seen it from afar I told Whatevski there was something that I needed from the car I cried for you brother and stuck another needle in my arm I know I know it's f**ed up ain't it Friends don't know how to help, so that subject changes My parents is embarra**ed is an understatement It's just amazing I can function with all the d** I take in But yo, I'm gonna stop though Bruce, I ain't ready to die yet G Through your friendship and your d**h it's inspired me I need to wake the f** up now man, find my dreams Conquer goals, become everything we said we'd try to be The tat of your name's on the ribs of my side So to know I'll keep you close to my heart that fills me with pride And I know I'm not responsible but I'm guilty inside Cuz I know if you never met me Bruce, you'd still be alive [Outro: Hollohan] Rest in peace to my f**in' brother Bruce, man I know what I need to do now, straight up