SINIMA BEATS - Autumn Blues 2: Salvation lyrics

Autumn Blues 2: Salvation- Bless The Mastermind Suicidal thoughts are now becomin part of me/I'm outta control I'm losin every single spark in me/ I don't know how to keep myself together/When pain is all i want to inflict, to make myself better/ I've lost everything i could possibly think of/Even grew attached to a kid i shouldn't have ever loved/ I try to find god, help create a bond/But even he ignores me like i did somethin wrong/ I'm trying so hard not to bring old habits/Cause i would drink my d**h while you f**ers clap it/ Go ahead, judge me on a daily basis/All your talk is like music, gotta face it/ Sick and tired i just wish everything would end/If it wasn't for one friend it wouldn't been/ f**in weak i admit it so proudly/Half the time i think about a gun to end it badly/ My emotions are racin, heart pacin/And the light that i had left doesn't even want a n***a chasin/ f** a psychic she told me that its the way it should/More like shoulda woulda coulda been f**in good/ Misleading, could of warned me bout the beating/Instead she let it ride out till I'm short on breathing/ I was told i was destined for greatness/But now my fate is based on the abyss, i hate this/ The love of my life, can't even give a time of day/No matter how hard that i fight won't hear, what i have to say/ She think she made the right choice, bullsh**/Like i don't got a voice, bullsh**/ My own partner how the hell do i connect wit em/When jealousy the only thing in mind when i rap wit em/ I envy everything that motherf**er stands for/Cause everything that he has, i had 10x more/ Now I'm stuck in an oblivion I've tried to escape/You think i stay inside on purpose, call it rape/ See, I'm just a broken individual/Searchin for the spiritual, lookin for the miracle/ So lost in the depths of reality/I keep dreamin of my so called family/ "My Imagination" is my normality/ Believe I'm "Searchin" for the 2 now in my fantasy/ I lifted a curse so that my path could be straight/ But now I'm stuck wit the memories of times that were great/ You make it seem like you hate, the people that we were/ But that's the life i prefer, best times occurred/ Uh, I seek some foundation/ Autumn Blues i seek some salvation/