Mongol Horde - Weak Handshake lyrics

You know you're actually kinda cute With your halo and your Morrissey t-shirt Scratching round the chicken feathers and dirt Everybody has to make a living You know you're actually kinda cute Like a child getting to grips with the big words I've got a new one that you might not have heard You are a f**ing charlatan (not the band) In the absence of a day of judgement Well I will state this for the record now You are a dick and once told me You also have a weak handshake You can dress up like a pig in lipstick You can fool the fans but deep down you know You are a dick and once told me You are a weak f**ing handshake Shed your skin like a snake Slip it off like a stripper's Velcro hot pants Like yesterday's --- sycophants an inconvenient opinion Leave that skin by the road side --- a statue A memorial --- tribute It says you're kinda cute In the absence of a day of judgement Well I will state this for the record now You are a dick in worms clothing You also have a weak handshake You can dress up like a pig in lipstick You can fool the fans but deep down you know You are a dick in worms clothing You are a weak f**ing handshake 'Cause here's the thing There are certain kinds of things That just can't be helped It's just the way you were whelped It isn't really fair To judge a man by his stupid f**ing hair To call him out for his beady eyes and his beer gut No matter how much they might make you wanna throw up Then you come to the matters of moral agency The decisions that make you the man that you're meant to be The battlements from which you will not be budged The choices by which you can said to be judged You made your bed so now you can lie in it --- a prison and one day you'll die in it I only hope I'll live to see the day --- In the absence of a day of judgement Well I will state this for the record now You are a dick in worms clothing You also have a weak handshake You can dress up like a pig in lipstick You can fool the fans but deep down you know You are a dick in worms clothing You are a weak f**ing handshake Exhibit A: your f**ing legacy Exhibit B: You're f**ing everything Exhibit C: You're f**ing nothing The prosecution rests