{"Oi! Come here you little sh**; you ain't paid for your ticket!"} [Chorus] s** - My – Dick – Mr. Police Officer s** – My - Dick – Mr. Police Officer s** – My - Dick – Mr. Police Officer Stick your badge up your a** and call my solicitor [Danny Joey] Once upon a time I's almost late for my new job My train arrived as I did so I had to jump straight on I got off at new street station and offered to buy a ticket They said "you gotta pay a fine ‘Cause you're from Northfield, ennit" I refused to co-operate – I told ‘em to f** off But then I was stopped by this dick-head of a cop He said make an appeal and everything'll be alright So I made an appeal but the f**ing pig lied! [Chorus] x2 s** - My – Dick – Mr. Police Officer s** – My - Dick – Mr. Police Officer s** – My - Dick – Mr. Police Officer Stick your badge up your a** and call my solicitor [Danny Joey] That's the third time I been stopped by you pigs In the space of a week What d'ya want from me? D'ya want summin' to eat? Like a big slab of meat Maybe jealous 'cause the third piggy had roast beef? Dirty f**ing egg mcmuffin porking, bacon licking Sausage s**ing , finger dunking punks Can push me by the chest in their bullet-proof vests Won't let me go even though I ain't under arrest So here's what I wish I said [Chorus] x2 s** - My – Dick – Mr. Police Officer s** – My - Dick – Mr. Police Officer s** – My - Dick – Mr. Police Officer Stick your badge up your a** and call my solicitor [Alternative Chorus] Lick my clit, Mrs Police officer Lick my clit, Mrs Police officer Lick my clit, Mrs Police officer Stick your taser up your vag' and call my lawyer!