Douglas sills - The Scarlet Pimpernel lyrics

La love me such conjecturing Could drive a man insane! And I'm the one to set This gossop quite to rest The Pimpernel is me! Indeed and I'm the queen of spain! What, the Pimpernel is nothing But a nosy pest! No the vicar says the pimpernel's A bishop in disguise Who gives absoulution Night and day! Stuff and nonsense! Don't you know? He's a maharajah from Bombay?? They say he has enormous feet! And that he tends to overeat! I've heard he's fussy with his food! And eats his breakfest in the nude! Is he robust? Or very pale? At least we know he's male! Who is the Scarlet Pimpernel? Me sister says his breath Is sweeter than an Irish rose! I'm sure I'd fall in love If he would cross my path! La, yes if you could overlook The warts upon his nose! And possibly persaude him He should take a bath! Rumor has it he's castillian! He's a reckless buckeneer! And I hear he carries sev'ral... whips He's a sultan from Kabul- With women at his fingertips! They say he's nearly eight feet tall! And yet quite graceful- Folderal! I'm told he waddles when he walks And often twitches when he talks! Is he a dolt? He's very deep Oh, England's losing sleep! Who is this blasted Pimpernel? The butcher in the village Claims he saw the man last week! Galloping a camel cross the moor! He's been seen! Wearing full Blakeney green I've told you all before! The fella's me! It's George the third! Perhaps a convict run amok? This Pimpernel could be most any sod! Bite your tounge He is dashing and young! The Pimpernel's a god! And he'll find me! And he'll wake me And he'll take me Down on a haystack He'll face me Then at last you could tell If he's a hero or a monk A fiddling nero or a drunk Who is the Scarlet Pimpernel? It's me, it's me! I'm sure he's flatulent and cra** Here, Here! The man's a horse's ...! No, no! He is neighbourly and kind But quite erotically inclined Whatever guise he may employ He's England's pride and joy! This plucky non-pareil Is lucky bloody swell! Who is the Scarlet Pimpernel?