Double Negative - Internal Struggle lyrics

[Tabs] I remember a broken heart, it provoked the art of sorrow Stuck in the future, a destiny still hoping for tomorrow I was changed by certain incidents that left me broken hearted But what goes around comes around and I'm back where I started Forced to pick up the pieces and shatter fragments of the struggle The only thing this kid saw was a jigsaw puzzle A drop in a puddle, lost in a moving stream Stuck running in place, chasing the ever elusive dream The truth it seems to escape through my fingers like sand granules They wrote a book about this once but I lost the damn manual And sanity is tangible, I know because I've touched it I've been abducted by its clutches, ?? like what's justice Injustice profuse, and feeling like I'm two people And both of 'em are pissed, cuz of their scarred souls and bruised egos There's a war going on inside no man is safe from That's why my heart's been beating like a ba** drum since day one I play dumb, but the stupidity is authentical Mended by your own vengeance like war fed to the tormented I meant it when I said it, but it doesn't mean a thing Unless I die for my dream cuz that's what it means to be a king I could march with a million men, would it even shake the ground I could scream freedom from the top of my lungs, it wouldn't even make a sound Let me break it down, I don't have a choice and my voice is too hoarse I'm lost and my war of compa** ain't exactly pointing due north So I'm forced to standby with my hands tied While millions of starving children look my right in my damn eyes Here's your grand prize, you won the right to be disgusted I've suffered mightly and I can finally discuss it The struggle is eternal, eternal tug of war That's why I scribe inside my journal and wonder what it's for Corruption and war, that's what I saw since a young teen It was the unseen that made these stains that I can't seem to rub clean That just means I got to try harder like ??? If I want to be remembered as a fire starter that died a martyr But why bother, it's a cumbersome under thumb Even if they remember me it's as public enemy number one And it serves me right for trying to preserve the light in such a dark place Sharks wait in my conscious dreams and their schemes make my heart race I march straight towards the unattainable and strangle out its life force Its light source illuminates the elusive faith that I've lost The halls of my mind have the hallmark of scratching claw marks It's all dark, perfect place to fall apart if you lost heart But me I've found mine and it's about time The fire inside could outshine the silver lining on cloud nine Still I'm wayward, cuz that's the way words sting The pain is strong but that's the same song the caged bird sings Feel like I'm in hell, cursed to dwell in a living tomb With scars to serve as a reminder of these self inflicted wounds [Coal Cash] Will it ever change cuz I feel strange in my own skin Rotten to the bone, if not my own heart is sewn in Zone in my genetical code to to spit prophetical code The theoretical hex vexed my poetical soul Infect a whole generation's emanation, determination ain't sh** verse self capitulation Hard to change a nation when complacent in my status Famish for accolades but rather fade til I vanish Manage little reprieve in the middle of brittle beliefs From the grief beneath the visual, our visuals will signal me It's a dismal sea of free thinking thought extinction Sinking in the doctrines from the toxins I've been drinking A lot like Lincoln, holding my head for sh** I said Won't dread a**a**ination, it embeds the affirmation But it's acclamation from a vapid captivation It's tasting acrid, adapted to lapidation I deal with idiots oblivious to the insidious But I'm the retard that sees God in the hideous The prettiest of pictures will be riddled with mistakes As humans are no different, how much difference does it make I take it all in stride, riding clouds of smoking ash And every time I fall I have to crawl on broken gla** It's just my path that winds me tight in a spiral I've been here before, once more fight for survival Was suicidal but I botched the attempt It was worth every second, my ex watched the event She ain't sh** to me now, funny how times change If only time was timeless, only my mind could rhyme this divine exchange Remain chained in this dichotomy Robbing me of the gifted like a self inflicted sodomy Probably a sickness to spit this redundant ???? the pain I strain from its abundance To run circumference around, slay this propaganda Can't understand the truth when the exclude all the answers Elude the chances for the monetary advances For the heckler commentary that vary the common banter Conjure cancer, plan to smoke the skies black Trapped in an empty bar where the bartender won't buy back So why rap, why react to the ridicule Always been a little disturbed, was constantly ?? in middle school That sh**'ll do sh** to your psyche, thought no one liked me It was a major problem, then again it still might be I might free myself of the burden of ?? But uncertain of what's me like I see from third person I'm f**ed for certain but I'm working to find my essence I know I'm trapped in hell, I can smell its effervescence Destined to dwell in the shell, a forgotten artist Who only seemed fitted when living amongst the garbage