Dick Valentine - The Shrinking Planet lyrics

[Intro: Dick Valentine] We thought we were alone in this world What fools we were They said the chances were of a million to one We were so wrong [Verse 1: Ma**ive Horse] We were watching Lost when the TV cut out There was great big bang and then screams and shouts The aliens arrived in their giant saucers They wanted to make slaves of our wives and daughters Creeping 'round the streets with their giant eyes And no genitalia between their thighs We tried to run, but the aliens chased us They wanted to insert things into our an*s A boy and an alien tried to be friends But then it got drunk and raped the boy instead The events were like a Michael Bay production And Spielberg was right with his theories of abduction What happened on this day will go down in history Where they came from is still a mystery And then ship fired a laser, man what were they thinking? All of the sudden the planet started shrinking [PreChorus 1: Ma**ive Horse] We need a John McClane to take a way the pain We need an Ellen Ripley so this rule will be over quickly [Chorus: Dick Valentine] This is the day when the aliens landed Taking over cities and they're shrinking the planet The government said it wasn't them who planned it Welcome to the world of the shrinking planet Hey boys, I'm the colonel You just sit tight And I'll sort out your little alien problems for you [Verse 2: Ma**ive Horse] They say that in space no-one can hear you scream But have you ever been eaten by an alien queen? The weapons make the humans and the horses combine Like a close encounter of the s**iest kind There was nowhere to run, the planet was shrinking Try talking to them, man what were we thinking? The army ran away, we lost all our forces The aliens had guns that turned people to horses Canz started crying "My chest really hurts" An alien burst out, "Looked like I'd just gave birth" What the f** is that? "I think it's my son" It grew seven hundred legs and started to run [PreChorus 2: Ma**ive Horse] We need a Sarah Connor so we can fight with honor We need a Jack Bauer to help us in our darkest hour [Chorus: Dick Valentine] [Verse 3: Dick Valentine] I am the colonel, but you can call me Jack Second name is Kelly but don't call me that It was me who destroyed the mothership She invited me to dinner I had s** with it She was a big girl, you know the type I'm on about Two tails, sharp nails and talking snout She wanted a meal, she smothered me in honey I was dressed like a clown so I tasted funny Her eyes were closed, I put a nuke in her gills And then I landed my ship in Beverly Hills The gray' got jobs in Hollywood No leading roles, just what they could This ain't a b-movie or a double feature So I don't know how to beat these alien creatures Your alien problem has no solution Let's move planets, start a revolution Start a revolution Start a revolution [Bridge: Ma**ive Horse] We need a Morpheus to deliver the prophecy to us We need a Qui-Gon Jinn, to use the force to help us win We need a [?], to do a flying kick And a Kevin McAllister, to help us set traps [Chorus: Dick Valentine] x2