Andrew Hussie - Homestuck Pages 121-180 lyrics

> John: Pick up two items. You captchalogue one of the CAKES. You've finally found a use for all these loitering pastries: DEAD WEIGHT. > John: Get other cake. The second CAKE causes the RAZOR to launch out the front of your SYLLADEX. Oh good lord. THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE. You wish the RAZOR would have failed to launch. > John: Get more stuff. You open your MAGIC CHEST and captchalogue one of your favorite books of all time, WISE GUY BY MIKE CAVENEY. There goes the FRESH TOWEL. > John: Might as well grab those cuffs. You take the TRICK HANDCUFFS, expelling the PDA like a bullet. > ==> Oh God dammit. > John: Open up that package! You examine the package. It is from one of your internet chums. It's bound in packing tape though. You'll need something sharp to open it. Ah, of course! The RAZOR! It's all so simple, you wonder why you didn't... > John: Get razor. > John: Pick up package again. Let's take this from the top. > John: Captchalogue gla** shards. You take three GLASS SHARDS in quick succession and duck for cover. Your SYLLADEX rains devastation on your room from above. And now that your cards are packed with gla**, you probably don't want to do that again any time soon. > ==> You should probably go get that stuff before you forget. > John: Use the razor on the red package. You open the package. There is something suspicious inside. Something suspiciously dirty and smelly. > ==> It is a STUFFED BUNNY. Much like the one held hostage briefly by Malkovich's Cyrus "The Virus" while taunting hard-luck protagonist Cameron Poe. And strikingly similar to the one scooped up from the soot of a burning Vegas strip by Cage's Poe and offered to his daughter, a gesture symbolic of a tattered exterior surrounding a heart of gold. Poe wasn't much to look at. But he was a good man. But no, it is not merely LIKE that bunny. According to this NOTE OF AUTHENTICITY, it is the VERY SAME BUNNY. This is so awesome. > John: Check status of Sburb beta. It looks like your computer is trying to get your attention. > John: Look at monitor. > John: Check Pesterchum window. -- tentacleTherapist [TT] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 17:08 -- TT: It looks like you managed to retrieve the beta. Excellent. TT: I'm going to try to connect. EB: whoa ok but i just got the most awesome present. TT: The rabbit? EB: SO SWEET. TT: I've heard tales of this wretched creature often. Its Homeric legend is practically ensconced in the fold of my personal mythology by now. EB: ha ha, what? TT: Why don't we focus on the matter at hand? EB: oh the game, ok. EB: i don't really know how this works. what am i even looking at here? TT: You are running the client application. I am running the server, so I am the host user. I have established a connection with you. This is sufficient for us to play the game. EB: oh, ok then. TT: Why don't we get started? > John: Press [ENTER] > [S] ==> > ==> [Mouseover the interface bu*tons. -AH] > TT: Select magic chest. > TT: Zoom out. > TT: Drop chest. EB: whoa, what are you doing?? TT: Sorry. I'm just getting a feel for the controls. EB: is my magic chest on the roof now?? TT: Yes. EB: :( TT: I will try to be more careful next time. > John: Get the card. You find your missing STACK FETCH MODUS, and quickly reapply it to your SYLLADEX. You can now opt for either the STACK or QUEUE modus any time. You toggle between your FETCH MODI with gleeful abandon. > ==> It looks like your DAD is leaving again for more baking supplies. You're relieved to have the house to yourself again, if only for a few minutes. You just hope he doesn't notice the MAGIC CHEST on the roof. Or all the sh** you threw out the window, for that matter. > TT: Select stuff in yard and move it back into room. EB: hey, do you think you could do me a favor? EB: can you grab all that stuff outside my broken window and bring it in for me? TT: I'll give it a shot. EB: thx! TT: No luck. TT: It appears to be out of range. I'm guessing it is too far away from you, the "player". EB: :C > TT: Select John. You cannot select a PLAYER! JOHN abjures the meddlesome cursor. > TT: Select bunny. > TT: Put the bunny back in the box. > TT: Revise room. > ==> > TT: Open Phernalia Registry. > TT: Deploy Totem Lathe. > John: Examine Totem Lathe. You don't know what the heck this thing does, but it looks neat! > TT: Open Grist Cache TT: It seems expanding the dimensions of your room cost us some "Build Grist". TT: But deploying the lathe did not appear to incur any expense. TT: It looks like certain objects are freebies, probably to help you set up the game. EB: wow, ok. EB: what do they do? TT: I think it's up to you to find out. TT: All I can do is drop stuff in your house, and move it around, apparently. EB: how do i move stuff around? it sounds fun! TT: I don't think you can as the client. You will need to install the server application. TT: You should have received both in separate envelopes. I am running both on my computer right now. EB: what?? TT: Did you get another envelope in the mail? EB: no! TT: Once you install the server and establish a connection, I'm sure you will be able to manipulate my environment in the same manner. TT: Are you sure you didn't get it? EB: oh man. EB: i think i might know where it is. > ==> TT: Now that your room is bigger, why don't you move to the far corner? TT: It will extend the range of the cursor, and I can reach the items. TT: Which... you threw out the window for some reason? EB: good idea! TT: What have you been doing in here all afternoon, anyway? EB: ugh, i was fussing with my retarded sylladex. EB: but i think i have it under control now. EB: what modus do you use? TT: I like to use trees. EB: oh no, that sounds so awkward. TT: It's not exceptionally practical. TT: But I think they are elegant. > John: Stand in corner. > TT: Deploy Cruxtruder. > TT: Deploy Alchemiter. EB: why is the floor shaking? EB: are you dropping more stuff in my house? TT: Yes. Two more large gizmos. EB: sweet! EB: what is with all these big contraptions? TT: If I had to guess, they appear to facilitate a sort of system involving punch card-based alchemy. EB: huh. EB: to what end? EB: i mean what are we supposed to be doing in this game? TT: That remains to be seen. TT: Maybe you should go investigate? > John: Get PDA. You grab the PDA, switching back to STACK MODUS so it is readily accessible. The interface is oddly sterile. No hilarious clown wallpapers or anything like that. (Oops, you mean harlequin wallpapers.) The SERIOUS BUSINESS application is open. It seems your DAD uses it to keep tabs on various acquaintances... his fellow street performers, maybe? You guess the performing arts must be pretty serious business after all. > John: Install Pesterchum. > John: Go out to balcony. EB: hey, i'm out on the balcony now. EB: i am messaging from my dad's pda. TT: The one you threw into the yard? EB: no, i am telling you. EB: it jumped out of my sylladex like a frightened weasel. TT: What were you doing with it in the first place? TT: I am not sensing a lot of regard for the personal property of others. TT: Is this how your pent-up frustration with your father manifests itself? EB: what? no. EB: those were all accidents. EB: please take your psycho-babblery elsewhere, miss! TT: Your bathroom is a mess. TT: Did you do that too? EB: oh man, see this isn't cool. EB: all this snooping nonsense! TT: There's a cake in the toilet. EB: yes. there is. TT: I'm tempted to clean it up for you. EB: ok, if that will satisfy your weird ocd complex then go ahead. TT: My Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder complex? TT: Can a disorder also be a complex? EB: in your case, probably! TT: Sounds complicated. EB: anyway... EB: i am going to have a look at this enormous platformy thing you put on the balcony. > John: Examine Alchemiter in a cautious manner. You have no idea what to do with this thing. You can't find any controls for it. Having exhausted all other possibilities, you just decide to stand on it. This isn't very cautious of you, actually. > John: Look through telescope. > TT: Grab the soiled toilet. TT: Whoops. EB: whoops what? > ==> EB: what was that noise? EB: is this something i should go investigate? TT: No, I have it under control. TT: You can keep playing with your telescope. > John: Investigate. EB: augh! TT: I think I can patch it up. TT: Just give me a little space. TT: Why don't you go have a look at the Cruxtruder? EB: the what? TT: The thing I put in your living room. > John: Hop down the hole. You jump down to the UTILITY ROOM. > John: Get sledgehammer and card. You take the SLEDGEHAMMER and the CAPTCHALOGUE CARD, combine the two, and quickly apply it to your STRIFE SPECIBUS. You think it's cool that things don't always have to be a federal f**ing issue. > ==> It looks like another one of your chums is pestering you on your PDA. > John: Answer chum. -- gardenGnostic [GG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 17:25 -- GG: john did you get my package?? EB: oh hey! EB: no, not yet. GG: darn! are you sure? it was in a green box..... EB: oh! EB: yes, but it is in my dad's car and he is still out at the store. EB: he should be back soon. GG: great!!! so what are you up to today? EB: i am up to my neck in this sburb stuff. EB: TT is making a royal mess of my house. GG: lol! GG: whats sburb?? EB: oh, it is this game. EB: it's ok i guess. i'm still figuring it out. GG: whoa what was that????? EB: what was what? GG: there was a loud noise outside my house!! GG: it sounded like an explosion!!!! EB: wow, really? GG: i will go outside and look.... EB: oh man, alright but be careful, ok? GG: i will! :) -- gardenGnostic [GG] ceased pestering ectoBiologist [EB] at 17:28 -- > John: Might as well check out the Cruxtruder. EB: oh hell no, you put this thing in front of the door? TT: There's a door there? EB: um, YEAH??? TT: I didn't see it. TT: I just thought it fit nicely into that groove. EB: you mean you thought it was elegant? EB: ok well what do i do with this thing. EB: hello? EB: what are you doing up there now? > ==> TT: Oh f**. > John: Examine wheel on the Cruxtruder. When you turn the wheel, something seems to be pushing up from underneath the lid. But you aren't strong enough to make the lid come off! > TT: Put bathtub in driveway. On the tub's journey to the driveway, the connection is interrupted. > John: Scold TT. EB: you can see me, right. EB: tell me what is wrong with this picture. TT: Sorry. I keep losing the wireless signal. TT: Must be the weather. TT: I would look for a stronger signal in another part of the house, but I'd rather not risk an encounter with my mother. TT: I battled through her cloud of gin and derision once already this evening. EB: haha, yeah I hear you. TT: Yes. Cake, jesters, unfaltering love and support. TT: Quite a road to hoe there. TT: Though I suppose I'm complicit for not informing Social Services about your situation. EB: i know! EB: what about going outside? EB: maybe you could catch a neighbor's signal. TT: That presents the same problem. TT: Also, it's raining, remember? TT: And dark. EB: It's dark already? TT: Yes, the sun has already had its way with us here on the east coast. TT: Its lurid glare has moved on to younger timezones. EB: haha, um, ok. > John: Hit Cruxtruder with sledgehammer. TT: Need some help? > TT: Pick up sledgehammer. > ==> > ==> EB: what is this thing? EB: and what is that clock counting down to? TT: I've been looking at the GameFAQ walkthroughs to figure some of this stuff out. TT: Hold while I read further. EB: ok. TT: All of these walkthroughs are extremely short. TT: None progress much further than this point. EB: weird. EB: well, i mean it is a new game. TT: True. TT: Now that the lid is off, you will need to extrude some "Cruxite". > John: Turn wheel again. You extrude ONE (1) CRUXITE DOWEL. > John: Get cruxite. TT: I feel like we should be hurrying. That countdown is making me nervous. TT: John? TT: Oh. Your PDA is trapped under the cruxite now, isn't it. TT: Anyway, it looks like you are going to need this card too.