[Jack]
Ann is angry, Bob is bad
Helen is hateful, Sam is sad
I'm in love, love is bliss
How many times do we kiss?
One, two, three, four
Maybe yes and maybe no
Five, six, seven, eight
Ann's still angry, Bob's still pissed
Helen's still hateful, and Sam's still missed
I'm in love, and love is sad
How many times have you had it bad?
One, two, three, four
Maybe yes, but maybe no
Five, six, seven, eight
Maybe yes but maybe so
Everything is pickles and gin
Everything is how it's always been
Everything's a bounced back sin
Everything is!
Neve fell into a river, Pam cried herself a stream
Brian sewed himself a corset, won't you help me count the seams?
One, two, three, four
Maybe yes but maybe no
Five, six, seven, eight
Maybe yes but maybe
Everything is pickles and gin
Everything is how it's always been
Everything's a trumped up sin
Everything is!
Everything is pickles and gin
Everything is how it's always been
Everything's a f**ed up sin
Everything is uh-!
How'd you like the weather, girls?
We're all in this together, girls!
How'd you like the weather, boys?
Maybe yes and maybe no
Maybe yes but maybe so
Maybe yes and maybe so
Everything is pickles and gin
Everything is how it's always been
Everything's a horseback sin
Everything is!
Everything is pickles and gin
Everything is how it's always been
It's just a trumped up sin
Everything is!
[Jack & Sandra]
Maybe yes and maybe no
I knew a boy who was double-jointed
Maybe yes but maybe so
He gave me a kiss but I was disappointed
That's not what she told me so
He gave me another to match the other
Maybe yes but maybe no
Maybe yes, maybe so!