As I come home on Monday night As drunk as drunk could be I saw a horse outside the door Where my old horse should be So I called my wife and I said to her Would you kindly tell to me Who owns that horse outside the door Where my old horse should be Ah you're drunk you're drunk you silly fool So drunk you cannot see That's a lovely sow that your mother sent to me Well I've travelled the whole world over A hundred miles or more But a saddle on a sow sure I've never seen before And as I come home on Tuesday night So drunk I couldn't see I saw a coat behind the door Where my old coat should be So I called my wife and I said to her Would you kindly tell to me Who owns that coat behind the door Where my old coat should be Ah you're drunk you're drunk you silly fool So drunk you cannot see That's a lovely blanket that your mother sent to me Well I've travelled the whole world over A hundred miles or more But bu*tons on a blanket sure I never saw before Well as I come home on Wednesday night So drunk as drunk can be I saw a pipe upon the chair Where my old pipe should be So I called my wife and I said to her Would you kindly tell to me Who owns that pipe upon the chair Where my old pipe should be
Ah you're drunk you're drunk you silly fool So drunk you cannot see That's a lovely tin whistle that your mother sent to me Well I've travelled the whole world over A hundred miles or more But tobacco in a tin whistle sure I never saw before And as I come home on Thursday night As drunk as drunk could be I saw two boots beneath the bed Where my old boots should be So I called my wife and I said to her Would you kindly tell to me Who owns them boots beneath the bed Where my old boots should be Ah you're drunk you're drunk you silly fool So drunk you cannot see That's two lovely geranium pots my mother sent to me Well I've travelled the whole world over A hundred miles or more But laces in geranium pots I've never seen before And as I come home on Friday night As drunk as drunk could be I saw a head upon the bed Where my old head should be So I called my wife and I said to her Would you kindly tell to me Who owns that head upon the bed Where my old head should be Ah you're drunk you're drunk you silly fool So drunk you cannot see That's a baby boy that my mother sent to me Well I've travelled this whole world over A hundred miles or more But a baby boy with whiskers on I've never seen before