Fell asleep last night with the TV on.
Oh, what a dream I had.
I dreamed I went and answered every single one
Of those late night mail order ads.
And four to six weeks later, much to my surprise,
The mailman came to my front door,
And I couldn't believe my eyes
When he brought the Vegematic,
And the Pocket Fisherman too,
Illuminated illustrated history of life,
Boxcar Willie with a Ginzu knife,
A bamboo steamer, and a Garden Weasel too,
And a tie-dyed, dayglo souvenir shirt from Six Flags Over Burbank.
Well the doorbell rang all morning and all through the afternoon.
I shook with fright as it rang all night
To the light of the Master Card moon.
There was Parcel Post in the pantry,
UPS in the hall,
COD to the ceiling, and I just couldn't pay for it all.
I got the egg scrambler, with a Seal-a-Meal carrying case,
A set of presidential commemorative plates
So I could eat my eggs off the President's face,
A Minute Mender, and a needle that'll knit or crochet,
And an autographed photograph of Rin Tin Tin
At Six Flags Over Burbank.
I remembered I was dreaming, so I gave a mighty cheer.
When I awoke, it was no joke, 'cause all that sh** was here.
So if you fall asleep with the TV on, let me tell you what to do:
Rip the telephone out of the wall unless you want it to happen to you.
You get the Vegematic, and the Pocket Fisherman too,
Illuminated illustrated history of life,
And Boxcar Willie with a Ginzu knife,
A bamboo steamer, and a smokeless ashtray too
And an all expenses paid weekend for three at Six Flags Over Burbank