Note LW is Lawrence Welk, -L is a Lemmon sister
LS is the Lemmon Sisters, LL is Larry Looper
SS is Stoney Stonedwell, AL is Alice Lean
SM is sailor matey, SC is sailor captain
Note LW is done in a parody of Lawrence Welk's accent
I will spell this phonetically in a few places
Where it is important, but if I did it consistently
LW would be unintelligible
LW Thank you, thank you and good evening friends
We're coming to you once again from the beautiful
Aragon Ballroom on Lick Pier at beautiful Santa
Monica Beach, California. We've been getting lots
Of cards and letters from you folks out there in
Television lant and we surely do thank you for...ah...
For...ah...for all the cards and letters from you
Folks out there in television lant. Starting us off
Tonight is our trio the Lemmon Sisters and
Girls what are you going to sing?
-L We're going to sing Thank You For All Those Cards
And Letters You Folks Out There in Television Land
LW Lant!
-L Lant
LW And now an appropriate number. A-wun and a-too and a-
LS Thank you for all those cards and letters
You folks in television lant
We wonder where this television lant is
Could it be a couple of miles from where Dinney Lant is
Oh, well never the less you guys and gals in
LW What is that noise there?
LS - bunch of palsy-walsies -
LW Oh, its the bubble machine. Turn off...just a moment...
I...hold it just a moment please...turn off the bubble
Machine...please turn off the bubble. Thank you, Lemmon Sisters for that lovely number. Wunerful, wunerful. And now on with the show. Here's that man with the deep, deep voice
Larry Looper. Larry, What are you going to sing for us, Larry?
LL I'm going to sing Thank You For All Those Cards and Letters
LW I'm sorry, that number has been taken
LL Well. Ill sing The Funny Old Hills then
LW Good. A-wun and a-too and a-
LL I-
LW Hold it just a moment. The bubbles don't come till the end
Of the program. Turn off the bubbles. Thank you Lar- thank you
Larry Looper, for that wunerful number. Now I would like to
Play a short instrumental medley based on the names of girls
A-wun and a-too...no...no, thats not it...thank you so very much. And now, here's that young man about town from the bra** section, Stoney Stonedwell, to sing Please
SS Please. Lend your little ears to my plea -
LW What is the matter with that machine. Here, hit it with your
Horn...hit it...here...stick your mouthpiece in it there
Wunerful, wunerful. And now on with the show. Here's our
Champagne lady Alice Lean. Alice is going to sing
Moonlight and Shadows. A-wun and a-too and a-
Ladies and gentlemen, for the first time in twenty-five years
My popping finger is caught in my cheek. Will you give me a hand there, Alice...here, pull my arm...no, the other arm...just pull it...
Pull it...thats it
AL Moonlight and shadows and you in my arms
And the melody in the bamboo tree, my sweet
Even in shadows
LW Hold it, somebody stop the bubble machine. The whole ballroom is lathering up with bubbles. And now I can't see the cameras. Here, let me set that accordion down on the stage and I'll try to fix that. Bear with us, folks just a moment please. Gee, the time is running out and we haven't even played the polka. Wait a minute, boys, I didn't mean...hold it, Alice, don't polka on my accordion
Gee, Dad, it was a Wurlitzer. Hit the theme, boys. And so its
Goodnight from all the champagne... wheres the cameras...theres so many bubbles I can't...and so, friends, we...help, the whole ballroom is shoving off to sea...
SM Sure is a clear night, ain't it, Captain?
SC Yup, matey, these are the kind of nights when the sea plays
Tricks on ye
SM Yeah, I recollect one night off Singapore...
SC Tricks, I say, like that mirage off the port bow, now
SM What?
SC See it there, kinda bubbly looking in the moonlight?
SM Oh, yeah. Gee, if I didn't know better, I'd say it looks
Like the Aragon Ballroom
SC Yeah...dee-deedee dee-dee dee dee dee-dee
SM Hey, thats a catchy chantey you're humming there, Captain. What is it?
SC Oh, I don't know. Just keeps running through my head
SM Let's go below and catch a little shut-eye
LW Help! Help! Wunerful, wunerful. Turn off the bubble machine
Help...help...