[Verse 1: Carl]
December 25th and it's Christmas time
Me and Peter on that Christmas wine
Sam and Stu in that Christmas sunshine
And now I gotta go back to Christmas uh time
It's so cold out here, it's so warm out there
And we f**ers ain't got a f**ing chair
We only got two, we need four people
In this mother f**ing crib; sitting on the pool table
He's got the red f**ing balls behind him
Peter's f**ing - sun shining
WrestleMania 17 on the TV
Mother f**ers - you can't see me
John Cena's entrance, now he comes out
He wasn't there in 2001 now
[?]
[Verse 2: Sam]
Yo, yo
Me and Stu do better things
We hate these things
This country
So sh**
We go to Canada
[Verse 3: Carl]
Fat boy - and he wears some shorts
[?] when I was saying that Stu was on the computer
And he's about to lay a track down
I'ma lay the smack down on this mother f**er
Slap it up, back down
To the floor now he's on the mat now
Looking at the clouds and they f**ing clap now
They go surround sound in the zone
And he's looking like "where the f** is all my friends?"
They don't even feel him
And the beat's gone
[Bridge: Peter]
And the beat's gone
And the beat's gone
[Verse 4: Carl]
Stuart Car off to Canada
And he's about to pick some bras off the bar
Cause chicks throw them at him but he won't do nothing 'bout it
Now he's gonna
Do
Yeah, he's got some doo-doo on his shoe
He looks down it was a grizzly bear's poo
Then he said to the bear "What you doing here?
Why've you got brown hair like my Mum's vagina?"
[Verse 5: Sam & (Peter)]
Yeah
Yeah, yeah he wears them fly clothes
Yeah yeah
(Gonna shag hoes)
Dem shorts
(Dem shorts)
Dem chains, dem shorts, dat jumper
Dat earring
Dat dat dat dat dat hair
He drinks D
[Verse 6: Carl]
Woke up this morning
I was feeling fine
I was waiting for my friends
Got up at nine
Brush my teeth, went in the shower
Waiting for this mother f**er for half an hour
We were waiting in the kitchen
Peter's coming
No he isn't
"Where the f** is that guy?
He's a fat guy"
Rolling in his car going down the backside
Going down the hill
Try'na pop a pill
But he can't because his f**ing a** on the wheel
And he can't turn it
Peter's swerving like an alcoholic
Then he gets here; we go to bowling
Yeah you know, yeah we know we're rolling
Got the bounce on the beat and we're hitting all the hoes in the street
Yeah, yo, you know what?
You know what I mean?
Now we f**ing throw the pins like 'yep, yep, yep, yep'
So many pins knocked down
So many pins knocked down
No taking piss of emails
"Yo, b**h can I get your email?"
She said "No. You can get my friend's"
I said "I don't want your friend's
I want your friend in the back of my Benz
With her pants down and her booty going round
Throw it on the back
Yo, get on the handstand
Uh, what the f** did we do next?
We went golfing - driving range
Mother f**er look at me driving things
Okay, 9 holes let's talk about the first hole
I got the first one cause I need the goal
And I need to score
Hit it off the f**ing wall
But there ain't no walls there's only f**ing trees
The guys in the front of us - they were smoking trees
The guys behind us - they need to smoke some trees
Relax now
Can't concentrate when they're in the background
Wanna f**ing slap them right back down
Cause the f**ing place they came from is Poynton
I don't see the point in them being here
Cause they are f**ing so queer
And I can't f**ing stand them behind me
Gotta hit them with the sweet chin music
And you know I got the sweet chin
I rhymed the same things
None of us can putt
None of us can putt
No, none of us can putt
No no, none of us can putt
No, we can't putt the ball, we can't put it down
Put it in the hole and we bring it back around
And we get in Peter's Car and we going to the bar
And we need to go real far, real real far
It took about 30 minutes, driving in the traffic;
Swerving lane to lane now you gotta keep it cla**ic
Something on the radio that make us feel so good
Then we getting, uh, I need some soul food
I'm so hungry, gimme that starter
But we ain't starters, we getting all the plarters - That's platter, or something else
I don't really give a f**, it doesn't matter
Buffet or a bouquet but there's only one course
Then he got a steak with the motherf**ing Diane sauce
I don't know mother f**er, keep it real
[Outro: Peter]
That was awesome
Really? The last line was 'diane sauce'?