You've been flirting like crazy since I walked in through the door,
You were so damn obvious I almost licked the floor.
And though you're not attractive, there's still something that appeals
Like a baby seal with it's head caved in, or eating jellied eels.
Please don't turn away now, you know exactly who you are,
Could it be that you smell the scent of a minor megastar.
Now's your chance, let's not dance, let's really get it on.
And kiss me you fool (kiss him you fool),
Come on and kiss me you fool (kiss him you fool).
You're not stupid, just kiss me stupid, and kiss me.
You play fair, you're Mayfair, your hotel's on Park Lane,
Your waterworks are wonderful, oh how can I explain.
That to me you're more than cute, you're no Trivial Pursuit.
You're the one I'd go to jail for, the one that I'd post bail for,
I won't pa** Go if you say no, give me the chance to play or
Touch me you fool (touch him you fool),
Come on and touch me you fool (touch him you fool).
I know you're shy, forget that guy, and touch me.
For you I'd swim the Ganges, I'd scale the Pyrenees,
I'd wade through vats of leeches in the nude just as a tease.
I'd open up my heart for you, and various other things,
Your eyes are so inviting, your lips are so exciting.
Come on let's play, don't run away, I need you so, it's frightening.
Feel me you fool (feel him you fool),
Come on and feel me you fool (feel him you fool).
Oh, it would be bliss, get a grip (a grip) on this, and feel me.