If a girl isn't pretty, really pretty
Like a Miss Atlantic City.
If a girl isn't pretty like a Miss Atlantic City
All she gets in life is pity and a pat
Any nose with deviation
Is a crime against the nation
Throw her into jail or maybe drown the cat.
She must shine in every detail
Like a ring you buy in retail
With a mounting that can knock the public flat
If a girl isn't pretty like a Miss Atlantic City
There's just nothing more to say: that's that
(That's that).
If a girl isn't pretty like a Miss Atlantic City
She should dump the stage and try another route
Any guy that spends a quarter
For a seat just feels he ought-a
See a figure that his wife can't substitute.
Men with faces that can cause ya
To have a temporary nausea
Will demand a raving beauty and nothing less
When a girl's incidentals
Are no bigger than two lentils
Well, to me that doesn't spell success.
(No, no, no, no, no, no
If a girl isn't pretty, if a girl isn't pretty).
If a girl ain't perfection
She can take a pop election
Every girl must be a dazzler and a beaut'
Never mind the girl's equipment
If it ain't the right a**ortment
Even though she loves her mother
And she's nice to her brother
If her hair ain't too bright curly
Better go to China, girlie
Or to hell on a fast express.
If a girl isn't pretty like a Miss Atlantic City
That oblivion is hard, a drag.