I gave you a flower
He gave you a whole bunch
He cut you a diamond
I cut you your lunch
I read you a pamphlet
He wrote her a whole book
He paid them both to the movies
I stole you a look
I cannot win
Since the day we watched them move in
Another sick joke
At my expense
But you can't live your life
With one eye over the fence
So I wrote you this song
She got an operatic medley
He bought her a car
I doubled you on my treadly
I can't compete
Since they moved to our street
I candidly took your photo
But it came out a blur
In their hall hangs a portrait
He had commissioned for her
And on Valentine's Day
What was I to do
She got a ninety verse sonnet
I struggled with a haiku
Makes me see red
But I still couldn't wish them both dead
I'm gonna fail
What if I fail
He's gonna fail
He could possibly fail
He could possibly fail
He's gonna fail