I've no alibi, I'm so bad I cry I've no alibi, laugh until I cry I talk sh**e, sh**e, sh**e, and they buy, buy, buy, buy it I talk sh**e, sh**e, sh**e, and they buy, buy, buy, buy it I wish I was cute and I looked the part Gold chain round my neck and on each arm a tart I wish I was cool with the hip crowd in I could take all my lyrics and throw them in the bin I'd have a six pack stomach like your man Andre Drive round in my jeep and at nightime 'Parte' I'd write throwaway lyrics, with no meaning at all And I'd work on my appearance for the MTV ball Care more about how I looked and how I came across Than the drivel I was writing, for words I'm at a loss I could put out what I liked, just as long as it had a beat And the ma**es would love it, they would mob me on the street Pour some serious money into the video Have some fly girls shaking their a**es don't you know I could dress up like a gangster rapper and pretend I'm from the street Even if I was a rich white idiot
Everyone would love me, they'd have no feckin choice Coz I'd be pushed right down their throat Not once, not twice but thrice In the papers, up on billboards, in the news and on your screens I'd be haunting you, you'd probably even see me in your dreams And the media monster, I'd be riding on its back I'd be hunting poor unfortunates, with my truncheon eardrums crack Get an overall tan, sign my autograph for a quid And I'd put across a message that would say this to a kid I'm so trendy, I'm so talented, I'm so handsome. I'm so cool Buy my tape and praise me, I'm a god you fool You're not trendy, you're not talented, you're not handsome, you're not hip I'll be all these things for you and my lyrics will equip Equip you for Eh? Eh? Mmm? Oh yeah, CDs, posters, T-shirts, all my ice cool merchandise So go now, quickly as you can, to your nearest retail outlet And don't be shy my friend, spend, spend, spend, spend, spend Spend, spend, spend, spend, spend, and remember that I love you