Alan Campbell - The Lady's Paying lyrics

[NORMA] Hurry up, the birthday boy is on his way This is a surprise celebration I hope you've remembered everything I've said I want to see a total transformation [JOE,spoken] What's all this? [NORMA,spoken] Happy birthday, darling. Did you think we'd forgotten? [JOE,spoken] Well, I ... I don't know [NORMA,spoken] These people are from the best men's shop in town. I had them close it down for the day [JOE,spoken] Norma, now listen! [NORMA,spoken] I'll leave you boys to it [MANFRED] Happy birthday, welcome to your shopathon! [JOE] What's going on? [MANFRED] Help yourself, it's all been taken care of Anyone who's anyone is dressed by me [JOE] Well, golly gee [MANFRED] Pick out anything you'd like a pair of You just point, I'll do the rest I've brought nothing but the best You're a very lucky writer Come along now, get undressed Unless I'm much mistaken That's a 42-inch chest [JOE] I don't understand a word you're saying [MANFRED] Well, all you need to know's the lady's paying It's nice to get your just reward this time of year [JOE] Get outta here! [MANFRED] And all my merchandise is strictly kosher When you've thrown away all your old worn-out stuff [JOE] Hey, that's enough [MANFRED] Perhaps you'd like to model for my brochure I have just the thing for you Chalk-stripe suits [SALESMAN 1] In black SALESMAN 2] Or blue [SALESMAN 3] Glen plaid trousers [SALESMAN 4] Cashmere sweaters [SALESMAN 5] Bathing shorts for Malibu [SALESMAN 6] Here's a patent leather lace-up [SALESMAN 7] It's a virtuoso shoe [MANFRED] And a simply marvelous coat made of vicuna [JOE] You know what you can do with your vicuna [NORMA] Come on Joe, you haven't even started yet [JOE] You wanna bet? [NORMA] I thought by now he'd look the height of fashion He always takes forever making up his mind Don't be unkind I thought you writers knew about compa**ion I love flannel on a man [MANFRED] This will complement his tan [NORMA] We'll take two of these and four of those [MANFRED] I'm still your greatest fan! Very soon now we'll have stopped him Looking like an also-ran [JOE] You're going to make me sorry that I'm staying [NORMA] Well, all right, I'll choose, after all, I'm paying! [MANFRED] Evening clothes? [NORMA] I want to see your most deluxe [JOE] Won't wear a tux [NORMA] Of course not, dear, tuxedos are for waiters [MANFRED] What we need are tails, a white tie and top hat [JOE] I can't wear that [NORMA] Joe, second-rate clothes are for second-raters [JOE, spoken] Norma, please... [NORMA] Shut up, I'm rich Now some platinum blonde b**h I own so many apartments I've forgotten which is which [JOE] I don't have to go to premieres I'm never on display You seem to forget that I'm a writer Who cares what you wear when you're a writer? [NORMA] I care, Joe, and please don't be so mean to me [JOE] O.K., all right [NORMA, spoken] You can't come to my New Year's Eve party in that filling-station shirt [JOE, spoken] I've been invited somewhere else on New Year's Eve [NORMA, spoken] Where? [JOE, spoken] Artie Green. He's an old friend of mine [NORMA] I can't do without you, Joe, I need you I've sent out every single invitation [JOE] All right, Norma, I give in [NORMA] Of course you do And when they've dressed you You'll cause a sensation [SALESMEN] We equip the chosen few of Movieland [MANFRED] The latest cut [SALESMEN] We dress every movie star and crooner From their shiny toecaps to their hatband [MANFRED] Conceal your gut You won't regret selecting the vicuna [SALESMEN] If you need a hand to shake If there's a girl you want to make If there's a soul you're out to capture Or a heart you want to break If you want the world to love you [MANFRED] You'll have to learn to take [SALESMEN] And gracefully accept the role you're playing [MANFRED] You will earn every cent the lady's paying [SALESMEN] So why not have it all? [MANFRED] Now that didn't hurt, did it? [SALESMEN] The lady's paying!